Ashanti #promptday6 #glopowrimo

Today’s prompt is to find a poem in a language you don’t know. Now, read the poem to yourself, thinking about the sound and shape of the words, and the degree to which they remind you of words in your own language. Use those correspondences as the basis for a new poem.

The poem I chose was one by Pablo Neruda, and here’s what I wrote:

Before you pick another weapon,

take my arms instead,

in the hubris of your lies

spare the children, I bled

on your sharpened swords

molten words turning hope to shreds,

amid the rock and stones you throw

throw your souls instead.

This anger is nothing new

it travels great distances

calls from beyond the grave

echoes in my silences.

Our simple lamps burn soft, lamps

of oil mixed with skin and flesh

the stars too burn with us

not outdone by your excesses.

So take your greed your ashanti

your hubris along with your curses

we have had quite enough

of your Byzantine verses.

Before you pick another weapon

take my arms instead

Spare the children, spare this earth

take my soul instead.


8 Comments Add yours

  1. Arti Jain says:

    Thanks to your choice of Naruda, I ended up reading two fabulous poems – his and yours. I enjoyed reading them both.
    And in true Naruda style, your line– ‘save the children, save the earth’ could be the slogan of our times.


    1. ipsyb says:

      Thanks ever so much, that’s high praise indeed! he’s one of my favourite poets. I guess if I ever learn Spanish it will probably just to read his work as they were originally meant to be read!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. kim881 says:

    All the prompts so far have been quite tricky, and this one was no exception. I love where the Neruda poem took you, to a sad place and a powerful poem of your own. I love the way you speak directly to the antagonist as well as the reader – could be one and the same. I especially like the phrase ‘molten words turning hope to shreds’ and the repetition of the opening lines in the final stanza and the poignancy of the final lines:
    ‘Spare the children, spare this earth
    take my soul instead.’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ipsyb says:

      Why, thank you ever so much! I’m touched.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. kim881 says:

        You’re very welcome.


  3. Sangbad says:

    powerful one…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ipsyb says:

      Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

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