The things I have/13.05.2020

Daybreak walks in the city

with me dragging my feet

the driving lesson that became an accident

Chicklets to combat the salt of the sea.

Sun-kissed days in the summer sun

lazy somersaults in the pool

steaks and fries and chips with sauce

rolls shared on half-day afternoons.

That movie I begged you to take me for

Where you promptly fell asleep

morning Math lessons sprinkled with twists

those formulae are mine to keep.

‘A violet by a mossy stone’

The foxtrot I never got right

The nights I sat outside your door

soothed by your snores at night.

Learning to cook eggs in the kitchen

Poached, fried and scrambled

the only dish I ever made for you

had too much salt, you never grumbled.

Long chats about life and death

Hopes and dreams, some mis-matched

Enough memories to fill my heart for years

laughter, tears, shared knick-knacks.

I saved your after-shave in a tiny bottle

I have your letters, a few dice

A button, some 2B pencils you gave to me

sharpened by your knife.

I’m still clinging to your shirt sleeve

you’re telling me to hold the arm

Those long nights till the fever broke

and you sat with me till dawn

came creeping into our world,

filling our lives with light,

your smile telling me to go on

to never give up the fight.

I have a family, daughters

that sadly you never have met

you would have loved them well,

I live with that regret.

I have your anger, your worried frown,

I still have the gold of your voice

Calling my name, telling me to watch

my back, never to play too nice.

I have all the world the sun, the stars,

each golden sunset and moonlit sky

I have rain clouds and thunderstorms

in bushels of tears I dare not cry.

I have this day, the thirteenth of May.

when you left this world of care

I have twenty-eight years of missing you

turning corners and wishing you there.

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